The number one reason parents lose control is because their child doesn’t do what the parent wants them to do and fails to meet the expectations the parents has for them. If the child behaves like the parent wants them to it’s easy for parents to keep their anger intact. When a child doesn’t behave like the parent wants, what are parents to do? Our best parenting help for parents when faced with this dilemma is to use the behavior skill of Observe and Describe.
Observe and Describe is one of the first skills we recommend parents learn on Smarter Parenting. Observe and Describe helps parents describe behavior without emotion. Removing emotions allows a parent to keep their frustration from escalating and to keep control of the situation. While it “sounds” easy, removing emotion is actually difficult as it requires parents to retrain their natural reactions. The benefits of Observe and Describe when it comes to temper control and child development are well worth the effort to learn this new behavior as it helps parents create a place where their children feel safe. When children feel safe they are more likely to open up in the future which can help parents tackle problems before they start.
As a parent it can be tempting to think that because we know what’s best for our children that they should just do what we say, when we say it. That thinking does a disservice to our child as it teaches them not to make their own decisions and take responsibility for those decisions. Learning how to make decisions and establish independence is a crucial element of a child learning how to grow into a successful adult.
As you learn to use the skill of Observe and Describe your stress will decrease and your relationships will be strengthened. Visit Smarter Parenting to learn this amazing behavior skill.